“My High Achieving Inner Niña”
Recently I started journaling more consistently because I've seen how this helps me get clarity on what's on my mind, what I'm experiencing & more. I didn't realize it when I first started, but journaling helped me rediscover my inner niña. I was journaling about my anxiety in motherhood & entrepreneurship, when all of a sudden I started to tear up. What the heck was that??!! I thought. Instead of brushing it off, I decided to follow that thread. What were those tears about? What triggers did they hit? It didn't take long before I pictured little Johanna, who was anxious, kind, nerdy, and scared something bad would happen to those she loved. She grew up in the instability of poverty and generational trauma. She learned that when she achieved -aka got good grades, was called responsible by teachers, didn't make mistakes- she was accepted, loved, and best of all, could avoid conflict, critical tones and consequences. She liked that….ALOT! So it made sense that she became a people-pleaser, perfectionist and your typical Type A high achiever…. & THAT WORKED- she got her degrees at Harvard & Columbia, got promotions in her non-profit work, got licensed as a therapist and even became a manager…. until it didn't work…. she gave birth to her daughter in November 2023. The anxiety, people-pleasing and perfectionism that used to be manageable (read: netflix and overworking could soothe it temporarily), was now starting to get in the way of her parenting and relationships. It creeps in slowly- anxiety about parenting decisions, struggling with leaving her daughter with anyone, difficulty asking for help, struggles implementing boundaries, self-criticism, difficulty resting and more! One that that really caught my high achieving inner niña by surprise was the learning curve of motherhood- man was that STEEP!!! I felt like I was BAD AT EVERYTHING when it came to new motherhood. Why was none of this natural? Why was google giving me such different answers? Why was it so hard to set new boundaries or ask for help? Why did I feel overwhelmed with something that I prayed for? Why couldn't I soothe my crying baby? (many of these relate to my business too!) The why's of my inner voice were definitely shaming and blaming me. It's only been recently (I am almost 11 months postpartum) that I've started to recognize the role that my high achieving inner niña has been playing in my motherhood and mompreneurship. The part of me that struggles making mistakes, not knowing, asking for help and changes in my plans (which is at least half of new parenting & entrepreneurship-iykyk!) I am starting to recognize her and I encourage you to do the same. If you catch your high achieving inner niñx “driving” your parenting or business "bus," you can calmly and gently remind her that you got this and you are the parent now. You can check in with yourself, see what you need & help meet those needs. Do they need reassurance that making mistakes is part of learning and that you love them regardless? Do they need reminders that asking for help makes them brave and is part of the process? Do you guide them through a deep breathing or guided meditation when they are struggling with routine changes & anxiety? Do you take time to journal and continue to rediscover what you need? You are the wise inner parent now and you know what your inner niñx needs. Reparenting while parenting can be such a beautiful opportunity to help meet unmet needs you didn't realize you had. It can be hard work, but it's part of healing process & so worth it!
How do you practice inner niñx healing?
ps During the momma group's this week (week 5/10), we will be going over mindful reparenting- you can still sign up for the live group or join the community space to access additional resources. Email me if you have any questions (hello@connectwithjlee.com)
-J.Lee “MillennialTheraMom” <3
